Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.

Every generation finds the drug it needs.

During the mid-1980s dairy farmers decided there was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government bought and slaughtered 1.6 million dairy cows. How come the government never does anything like this with lawyers?

How a peaceful, uncrowded place with ample wherewithal stays poor is hard to explain. How a conflict-ridden, grossly over-populated place with no resources whatsoever gets rich is simple. The British colonial government turned Hong Kong into an economic miracle by doing nothing.

I was managing editor for a while [in National Lampoon ], and it does cause business problems when your circulation goes up.

There is that kind of happiness. There is the love and marriage and family kind of happiness, which is exceedingly boring to describe but nonetheless is important to have and dreadful not to have.

I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes.