The wise traveler [to Beirut] will pack shirts or blouses with ample breast pockets. Reaching inside a jacket for your passport looks too much like going for the draw and puts armed men out of countinence

Who does Bill Clinton think got off the boat and stepped on Plymouth Rock? Peace Corps volunteers?

The U.S. tax code was written by A students. Every April 15 we have to pay somebody who got an A in accounting to keep ourselves from being sent to jail.

In case we have to shoot Democrats. It happened during the Civil War, and it could happen again.

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

I like to take things that are boring-but-important and try to make them interesting. That was definitely what I was after with Eat The Rich.

It is important to remember when making jokes about women, that they are not a minority. They weren't captured on another continent and brought here in leg-irons (funny shoes, yes, but not leg-irons) and Hitler didn't blame them for Germany's loss in WWI. Therefore, you can make any kind of fun of them you want.