The Three Branches of Government: Money, Television, and Bullshit

Harvard has been almost as important to the American Jewish community as the pork-sausage industry.

There are no kinder or better people in the world than those who listen to you when you are 18.

Everybody in 15th century Spain was wrong about where China was and as a result, Columbus discovered Caribbean vacations.

What use is it to endure the Dutch Rubs and Indian Rope Burns that are politics if you can't obtain mastery over people and give them noogies back?

It had never occurred to us that the Kremlin's new anti-booze campaign would apply to journalists. Now, that's a human-rights violation.

Never fight an inanimate object.