Jesse Jackson was spending time with his family, or families.

Bachelors know all about parties. In fact, a good bachelor is a living, breathing party all by himself. At least that is what my girlfriend said when she found the gin bottles under the couch. I believe her exact words were, "You're a disgusting, drunken mess." And that's a good description of a party, if it's done right.

Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It only kills the brain cells that contain good sense, shame, embarrassment, and restraint.

The Tenth Commandment sends a message to socialists, to egalitarians, to people obsessed with fairness, to American presidential candidates in the year 2000 - to everyone who believes that wealth should be redistributed. And that message is clear and concise: Go to Hell.

Politics should be limited in scope to ware, protection of property, and the occasional precautionary beheading of a member of the ruling class.

I've decided that my motto in life is "Get off my lawn." It's the right answer to everything.

The Harvard Lampoon itself, which had a pretty stellar run in the '60s.