You may be surprised to discover you're rich, especially if you're broke.

Whenever government proposes to get involved in the regulation of trade, just be very, very careful about who's behind this proposal, what their motives are.

The idea of a news broadcast once was to find someone with information and broadcast it. The idea now is to find someone with ignorance and spread it around.

Good manners consist of doing precisely what everyone thinks should be done, especially when no one knows quite what that is.

The poor of the world cannot be made rich by the redistribution of wealth. Poverty can't be eliminated by punishing people who've escaped poverty, taking their money and giving it as a reward to people who have failed to escape.

When I left the Lampoon, I went west to try that out, and discovered that I hated it.They were awful people turning out awful product .

Cockfighting has always been my idea of a great sport -- two armed entrées battling to see who'll be dinner.