No one has ever had a fantasy about being tied to a bed and sexually ravished by someone dressed as a liberal

If we want the whole world to be rich, we need to start loving wealth. In the difference between poverty and plenty, the problem is the pverty, not the difference. Wealth is good.

We'll run this planet as we please, and if you don't like it, go back where we came from.

Humor is a terrific tool for explaining things, especially when what you're explaining is frightening or dull and complicated.

Lampoon was exactly the opposite. The work was a lot of fun, but the office environment was hell. You cannot put 20 humorists together.

Men generally pay for all expenses on a date ... either sex, however, may bring a little gift, its value to be determined by the bizarrness of the sexual request to be made later that evening.

Satire doesn't effect change.