No one has ever had a fantasy about being tied to a bed and sexually ravished by someone dressed as a liberal

Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and he will be certain that you are either telling the truth or a big, important lie.

[Al] Franken is left-wing and funny. He's a pretty good political humorist.

Social Security is a government program with a constituency made up of the old, the near old and those who hope or fear to grow old. After 215 years of trying, we have finally discovered a special interest that includes 100 percent of the population. Now we can vote ourselves rich.

Any trade that is voluntarily made is mutually beneficial, by definition, and, indeed, is balanced, by definition.

If the wind is blowing like stink and everything is working right, a twelve-meter sailboat can go eleven and a half or twelve miles an hour, the same speed at which a bond lawyer runs around the Cental Park Reservoir.

Stay away from girls who cry a lot or who look like they get pregnant easily or have careers.