There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.

Creative writing teachers should be purged until every last instructor who has uttered the words 'Write what you know' is confined to a labor camp. Please, talented scribblers, write what you don't. The blind guy with the funny little harp who composed The Iliad, how much combat do you think he saw?

The very existence of the bicycle is an offense to reason and wisdom.

In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.

Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.

In Western Australia they don't even know how to make that vital piece of sailboating equipment, the gin and tonic.

The dominant type of humor in the '60s was essentially defensive and self-deprecating, using humor as a shield.