There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.

Coffee and cigarettes are much better if you want an instant breakfast.

Satan probably wouldn't have talked so big if God had been his wife.

When politics are used to allocate resources, the resources all end up being allocated to politics.

Masochists are people that have pleasure confused with pain. In a world that has television confused with entertainment, doritoes confused with food, and Dan Quayle confused with a national political leader, masochists are clearly less mixed-up than the rest of us.

It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money through inefficiency and sloth. Enormous effort and elaborate planning are required to waste this much money.

These were people who believed everything about the Soviet Union was perfect, but they were bringing their own toilet paper.