When I get in deep water, I prefer to announce that I'm in over my head.

Worshiping the earth is more fun than going to church. It's also closer.

Fretting about overpopulation, is a perfect guilt-free - indeed, sanctimonious - way for "progressives" to be racists.

Wherever there's injustice, oppression, and suffering, America will show up six months late and bomb the country next to where it's happening.

Lampoon was a very collegial operation, though "collegial" usually means "friendly" and it wasn't that friendly. But we were tight, like a family.

The Australian language is easier to learn than boat talk. It has a vocabulary of about six words.

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.