And worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. This is especially true if we're careful to pick the biggest possible problems to worry about. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody want to help Mom do the dishes.

Veal is a very young beef and, like a very young girlfriend, it's cute but boring and expensive.

We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans.

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

Never serve oysters in a month that has no paycheck in it.

Oh, God. The Sixties are coming back. Well I've got a 12-gauge double-barreled duck gun chambered for three-inch Magnum shells. And - speaking strictly for this retired hippie and former pinko beatnik - if the Sixties head my way, they won't get past the porch steps. They will be history. Which, for chrissakes, is what they're supposed to be.

Think about last time you were broke ... now how well did it go with spending your way out of it? Did that work?