Visiting Future World is like opening a Chinese fortune cookie to read, "Soon you'll be finished with dinner."

It's better to make fun of yourself because you've always got someone around to make fun of, and they can't sue you.

These were people who believed everything about the Soviet Union was perfect, but they were bringing their own toilet paper.

From National Lampoon, you go directly to Saturday Night Live, because it's a lot of the same people.

Happy hour is slightly different in the Soviet Union. There are no ice cubes or orange-peel twists in the vodka. Also, it lasts all day.

Collectivism doesn't work because it's based on a faulty economic premise. There is no such thing as a person's "fair share" of wealth. The gross national product is not a pizza that must be carefully divided because if I get too many slices, you have to eat the box. The economy is expandable and, in any practical sense, limitless.

There's something about Marxism that brings out warts; the only kind of growth this economic system encourages.