I don't like parties past 2 am. Then it's all losers and weirdos.

When I have a daughter I have a lot of good advice for her.

There is no sin worse in life than being boring and nothing worse than letting other people tell you what to do.

A lot of the things I say I'm just trying to be funny... I don't really mean everything I say, because I'm not totally that airhead.

First I wanted to be a veterinarian. And then I realized you had to give them shots to put them to sleep, so I decided I'd just buy a bunch of animals and have them in my house instead.

I won't have a cabinet as a President; I will have a closet. A giant walk-in closet with all styles of advisers, like Michael Kors, Kanye West, Diane von Furstenberg, Naughty by Nature, Stephen Hawking, Madonna, Karl Lagerfeld, and, of course, Tinkerbell.

Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.