Sometimes you just stumble into something that works, and here I am a quarter of a century later.

There's a difference between climate & weather, moron!

I suspect most self-described 18-year-old Scandinavian women named Inga who collect and wear string bikinis are, in reality, more likely to be middle-aged, pot-bellied guys named Lou who collect and wear string cheese.

One day, someone will get too close to the television, and I will pull them into this hell with me.

Being a conservative in Hollywood is like walking into a shooting range with a bull's-eye attached to your body. There are more of us than you would believe, but if you want to keep working, you feel like you have to keep quiet.

Global warming alarmists are unpatriotic racists knowingly misleading for their own ends.

There is a certain comfort in waking up and finding that Michael Jackson is still the Big Story. At least it tells you that nothing horrible has happened in the world that would force them to move on to real news.