If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.

People will find transformation and transcendence in a McDonald's hash brown if it's all they've got.

There's something kind of beautiful about that pure love of things. Like, "I'll show that I love the thing I love by hating everything else."

I like to write, I like to do stand-up, I like to act.

There's all kinds of those moments in your life where either through a weird set of circumstances, or a song you hear, or a smell you smell, or one person says something totally out of the context without the meaning that you assigned to it, but you snap back to the way you were when you were 14 or 15. We all deal with that.

But for the most part, for the majority of a stand-up audience, you better have new stuff they've not heard. And if you put an album out, just consider that material gone. At least that's how I see it.

Any acting job that I ever got, I always treated it like I was a neophyte, I didn't know what I was doing and I was going to work just as hard as I do on my stand-up.