I hate all sidekicks.

Even if you're popular, there are times when you just feel like you're not a part of things.

Any acting job that I ever got, I always treated it like I was a neophyte, I didn't know what I was doing and I was going to work just as hard as I do on my stand-up.

I really had to imagine the kind of person that I would have been if I had never left my hometown... I don't think I would have been a very pleasant person.

I have a lot of friends who were stand-ups, and they just stopped after a while, because they didn't like that battle, or they just couldn't do it. And then they would get on a sitcom and get visible and get back into it, because the audience was just way easier on them. But they lost those crucial years of learning to turn any audience into your audience.

Zombies can't believe the energy we waste on nonfood pursuits.

Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.