I hate all sidekicks.

I have to drink this much to be as unfunny as you.

We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

I'm grateful that I had that uphill battle for 10 years of going onstage and having nobody know who I was, because you have to win them over. I have a lot of friends who were stand-ups, and they just stopped after a while, because they didn't like that battle. And then they would get on a sitcom and get visible and get back into it, because the audience was just way easier on them. That's why they're okay stand-ups, but they're never going to be great, because they don't have that presence. They never built those muscles up.

There's all kinds of those moments in your life where either through a weird set of circumstances, or a song you hear, or a smell you smell, or one person says something totally out of the context without the meaning that you assigned to it, but you snap back to the way you were when you were 14 or 15. We all deal with that.

In my mind, I was always a comedian who was going to branch into writing.

Knock on wood, my groupies tend to be very artistic, creative people - sometimes way more creative than I am.