Before doing my first open mic, I was sitting in the back watching all these comedians banter back and forth and fire jokes and up each other, and I thought, This is where I wanna be.
Patton OswaltKnock on wood, my groupies tend to be very artistic, creative people - sometimes way more creative than I am.
Patton OswaltCheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.
Patton OswaltWars are usually really popular with people that aren't gonna be affected by them. 'Cause it's just entertainment, and it's just weird, like, "Well, we've got to show the world that we're strong." No we don't. And by the way, that has nothing to do with you. Why are you equating yourself with thatArray; you know what I mean?
Patton Oswalt