This sounds like a brag, but I know how to make good fried rice. I learned in college. There are two secrets - take the rice after you cook it and let it get cold in the fridge. Then cook the egg like you're making a fried egg and just before it's done, dump the rice and veg on it and swirl it around.
Patton OswaltI would always rather shoot for something unique and fail than do a script because I feel like they're hitting all the right mainstream beats.
Patton OswaltIf the victories we create in our heads were let loose on reality, the world we know would drown in blazing happiness.
Patton Oswalt