I would always rather shoot for something unique and fail than do a script because I feel like they're hitting all the right mainstream beats.

But for the most part, for the majority of a stand-up audience, you better have new stuff they've not heard. And if you put an album out, just consider that material gone. At least that's how I see it.

Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.

I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out if me with steel pipes.

If Kevin James or Paul Giamatti drop weight, I'm done. I don't want to be the last pudge out there.

If the victories we create in our heads were let loose on reality, the world we know would drown in blazing happiness.

I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy.