In fact, I don't watch a lot of contemporary comedy for fear of being influenced by it.

If you stay in a house and you go to the bathroom and there is no toilet paper, you can always slide down the banisters. Don't tell me you haven't done it.

My favourite riposte to a heckle is to say, 'Excuse me, I'm trying to work here. How would you like it if I stood yelling down the alley while you're giving blow jobs to transsexuals?'

All disc jockeys are without talent. Noel Edmonds - I can't stand Noel Edmonds.

Am I allowed to call myself working-class now? Because obviously I'm now very rich.

When I was nine I spent a lot of my time reading books about the history of comedy, or listening to the Goons or Hancock, humour from previous generations.

I remember being fascinated by the very nature of comedy from the age of 10; why is this funny, and that isn't?