I can be on the Tonight Show, but not with Johnny [Carson]. He uses my name in his monologue all the time.

I don't think Bruce Willis can compete with me. I have a much better voice.

I wasn't a great improviser when I started there; I'm not really up on current events. I would always just mug, just try to get my laughs from making faces. So I decided to do a character who should never have become a comic - somebody you would see at the Comedy Store and go, "This person is never going to make it."

I feel the only way I'm going to be successful in moving on is if I keep a separation.

I was looking to be pale, you know, like the kind of person who has that pigment in their skin where no matter what the weather is they have pink cheeks. I had a couple of friends like that. But it was all very instinctive in a way. I never really thought that much about it.

I remember one play [when I was kid] was about this murderous mad scientist, and my whole part was to be the guy who got thrown into a vat of acid as the curtain went up. I was very pissed off at these older kids; they'd outsmarted me.

I wouldn't sell my bike for all the money in the world. Not for a hundred million, trillion, billion dollars!