Tonglen dissolves your solid sense of "I'm the wise person, I'm going to help this poor, unfortunate loser."

My experience with forgiveness is that it sort of comes spontaneously at a certain point and to try to force it it's not really forgiveness. It's Buddhist philosophy or something spiritual jargon that you're trying to live up to but you're just using it against yourself as a reason why you're not okay.

Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing.

When we start out on a spiritual path we often have ideals we think we're supposed to live up to. We feel we're supposed to be better than we are in some way. But with this practice you take yourself completely as you are. Then ironically, taking in pain - breathing it in for yourself and all others in the same boat as you are heightens your awareness of exactly where you're stuck.

The essence of our whole path is in that place of discomfort, and what do we do with it?

Words themselves are neutral. It's the charge we add to them that matters

Resisting what is happening is a major cause of suffering.