The cliche of the nerdy kid who doesn't go outside and just plays games is completely untrue. And it's also true for the nerdy kid who studies comic books and turns into this genius, and it is also true for the nerdy kid who listens to every nerdy thing that Led Zeppelin put out. That kind of obsession in a 16-year-old is not ugly. It's beautiful.

There never was a God. 'God is dead' is a halfway measure I won't go with.

It's fair to say that the Bible contains equal amounts of fact, history, and pizza.

I intend to do the Penn & Teller show until they pry my cheesy magic wand from my cold dead fingers.

I've been fired from a situational comedy with a script they wrote specifically for me because of my voice.

It's only the losers named Dave that think having an unusual name is bad, and who cares what they think. They're named Dave.

Don't waste too much time wishing, hoping, and being envious; it'll make you bugnutty.