There may be a point in your life in which you are drowning so fast and fighting it so furiously that you don't have the strength left to call out for help. At that point don't expect one of your friends to jump into the water, if you've spent most of your life instructing them to mind their own business.

Realize that the banality around us that passes as "hipness" or "mass culture" is as satisfying as "mass food"-only it comes in much more unappetizing portions.

There are two things in life that money cannot buy: health and happiness. Aside from that, it does an excellent job.

We think of death and loss as tragic twins, but in fact it is loss that hurts us.

Gays feel about popularity the same way teenage girls do. Is it that we really want friends we can count on, or do we just want guys around us whom we can share our curlers with?

The god that you dispense with today, will come back as a demon tomorrow.

Have hot, wild sex with a friend. Then go out and do something stupid, like bowl, afterwards.