Hold the door for an old man. Old ladies can take care of themselves; they've been doing it long enough.

Ageism is the racism of the gay world. We really believe that age-and all of our fears that it carries-will "rub off" on us, the way that racists once believed blackness would.

Try to dwell on the people you'd like to love, instead of all the people you do loathe.

There are certain restaurants where you should photograph the food rather than eat it. These are great places to bring a narcissistic boyfriend before you break up.

Perhaps success should not mean that you have nothing to say to anyone, no time for anybody, and not a moment left in your calendar for someone whom you might suddenly realize you love.

Have hot, wild sex with a friend. Then go out and do something stupid, like bowl, afterwards.

Realize the complicated specials of what we call the "inferiority complex." In other words, what, Miss Thing, is so damn special about you to make you feel so specially inferior to any other jerk?