I didn't know dirty words could be done that artfully.

I could have been a Judge, but I never had the Latin for the judgin'. I never had it, so I'd had it, as far as being a judge was concerned... I would much prefer to be a judge than a coal miner because of the absence of falling coal.

Playing rugby at school I once fell on a loose ball and, through ignorance and fear, held on despite a fierce pummelling. After that it took me months to convince my team-mates I was a coward.

Life is a matter of passing the time enjoyably. There may be other things in life, but I've been too busy passing my time enjoyably to think very deeply about them.

One of the ways to avoid being beaten by the system is to laugh at it.

The garden of Eden was a boggy swamp just south of Croydon. You can see it over there.

You realize that suicide's a criminal offense. In less enlightened times they'd have hung you for it.