I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly

I didn't know dirty words could be done that artfully.

You realize that suicide's a criminal offense. In less enlightened times they'd have hung you for it.

I saw an advertisement the other day for the secret of life. It said "The secret of life can be yours for twenty-five shillings. Sent to Secret of Life Institute, Willesden." So I wrote away, seemed a good bargain, secret of life, twenty-five shillings. And I got a letter back saying, "If you think you can get the secret of life for twenty-five shillings, you don't deserve to have it. Send fifty shillings for the secret of life."

One of the ways to avoid being beaten by the system is to laugh at it.

Everything I've ever told you, including this, is a lie.

I am very interested in the Universe - I am specialising in the Universe and all that surrounds it.