The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.

Love's blindness consists oftener in seeing what is not there than in seeing what is.

The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance.

There are times when breakfast seems the one thing worth getting up for.

If there's anything I hate it's the word humorist-I feel like countering with the word seriousist.

Sometimes I write drunk and revise sober, and sometimes I write sober and revise drunk. But you have to have both elements in creation — the Apollonian and the Dionysian, or spontaneity and restraint, emotion and discipline.

What people believe is a measure of what they suffer.