The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly.

The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance.

I am not impressed by the Ivy League establishments. Of course they graduate the best -- it's all they'll take, leaving to others the problem of educating the country. They will give you an education the way the banks will give you money -- provided you can prove to their satisfaction that you don't need it.

We are not primarily put on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through.

If there's anything I hate it's the word humorist-I feel like countering with the word seriousist.

The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly.

The rich aren't like us, they pay less taxes.