Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Sex is a conversation carried out by other means. If you get on well out of bed, half the problems of bed are solved.

Artificial glamor-false eyelashes, that sort of thing-usually is put on to hide a vacuum. The most beautiful face can only look vacuous if it masks an empty head.

I think that first nights should come near the end of a play's run-as indeed, they often do.

There are experts in little things but there are no experts in big things. There are experts in this fact and that fact but there are no moral experts.

By increasing the size of the keyhole, today's playwrights are in danger of doing away with the door.

Life is unfair but remember sometimes it is unfair in your favour.