Uptown living, you've got to call 911. Where I am, I am 911.

I've never owned a cell phone and don't plan on ever having one. If anyone needs to talk to me, they know where I live.

Women are a lot like ducks-they don’t like mud on their butts.

I picked ducks in a tub in my dorm room. I'd hang deer in the doorway between the bedroom and the little living room in our little apartment there, and I'd skin my deer, and all the guts would go in the tub, and I'd sneak them out so my fellow students on both sides wouldn't see all that, you know. I'd clean fish up there and all.

If your woman picks your ducks, and she cooks and carries her Bible... now there's the complete package of womanhood.

If you can find a nice pretty country girl that can cook and carries her bible, now there's a woman.

We’re Bible-thumpers who just happened to end up on television. You put in your article that the Robertson family really believes strongly that if the human race loved each other and they loved God, we would just be better off. We ought to just be repentant, turn to God, and let’s get on with it, and everything will turn around.