The English think that incompetence is the same thing as sincerity.

Is not the whole world a vast house of assignation of which the filing system has been lost?

Though intelligence is powerless to modify character, it is a dab hand at finding euphemisms for its weaknesses.

Women have decided to be people, which is a great mistake. Women were nicer than people.

When I was young, we thought that Oscar Wilde was a great nobleman who had thrown his life away for love. Nothing could be less true. He slept with East Enders who were procured for him by Lord Alfred Douglas. He knew them only 'in Braille' - the curtains were never drawn back in the rooms in Oxford where he met those boys. It was the most sordid life you can imagine. And he was bleating about love and dragging the fair name of Mr. Plato into the trial - after a life like that?

If I were God - and I never understand why I'm not - I should say, "Shop around, I don't think you'll find a better bargain than here."

All America is much the same.