Never sweep. After four years the dirt gets no worse.

There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.

The worst part of being gay in the twentieth century is all that damn disco music to which one has to listen.

When I was young, I don't know how, I spent all my time in the presence of married women telling me their troubles. And when I said 'Why did you marry?' they said, 'Oh I married to get away from home.' And when I said, 'And why don't you leave him?' they gave the saddest answer in the world: they said, 'Where would I go?' So they stayed with men they didn't like because they had nowhere to go.

It is true that in America I've become a national hero, but really I was a hopeless case, that was all.

It's no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, 'Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.' By then, pigs will be your style.

I don't know how people act. I've never understood that.