The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple: you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.

Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.

I take it to be axiomatic that people are revolted by witnessing the shameless gratification of an appetite they do not share.

Vice is its own reward. It is virtue which, if it is to be marketed with consumer appeal, must carry Green Shield stamps.

Love is the extra effort we make in our dealings with those whom we do not like and once you understand that, you understand all. This idea that love overtakes you is nonsense. This is but a polite manifestation of sex. To love another you have to undertake some fragment of their destiny.

It is true that in America I've become a national hero, but really I was a hopeless case, that was all.

America believes in freedom. The English don't believe in it. They don't believe in happiness.