England is very dreary, but I'm a people person.

You can't be a person and a lady. If you're a person, you can open the damned door yourself.

It may be true that artists adopt a flamboyant appearance, but it's also true that people who look funny get stuck with the arts.

The law is simply expediency wearing a long white dress.

To minimize my guilt at going to the pictures - to call this wanton pursuit of an effete pleasure by another name - I needed movie companions as drunkards need drinking partners. If I entered a cinema alone, God might plunge his arm through the roof of the auditorium booming in a stereophonic voice, 'And you, Crisp, what are you doing here?' I would never have dared reply, 'I'm just enjoying myself, Lord.'

Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.

Is not the whole world a vast house of assignation of which the filing system has been lost?