Why do we have to wait for special moments to say nice things or tell people we care about them?

Friendship is being there when someone's feeling low and not being afraid to kick them.

You can't show love to someone at the expense of someone else who loves you.

That's the thing about marriage. It's a shell game we play with ourselves. We're the suckers and we have to lose, but we play anyway because we lie to ourselves that we can win.

Nothing like a lot of exercise to make you realize you'd rather be lazy and dead sooner.

Ah, sweet alcohol. Like a true friend, you replace the anger with better, louder anger.

A birthday wish granted 23 years late is still a birthday wish granted.