George Burns, what a man. He read in the paper that it takes ten dollars a year to support a kid in India. So he sent his kids there.

Steven Spielberg's mother, who said to E.T., I don't care where you're from, you're here and you're gonna get bar mitzvahed! Never got a dinner!

Sonny Von Bulow, who said to her husband Claus on their honeymoon, Stop needling me. Never got a dinner!

Ninety isn't old. You're old when your doctor doesn't X-ray you any more - he just holds you up to the light!

Eve said to the serpent, “You know I could go for a bite to eat, but I don't know you from Adam.”

If I lose show business - I'll really be an orphan!

Jacques Cousteau, the last man to see Jimmy Hoffa. Never got a dinner!