Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsGeorge Burns, what a man. He read in the paper that it takes ten dollars a year to support a kid in India. So he sent his kids there.
Red ButtonsJack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsAdam, who said to our Lord in the Garden of Eden, I got more ribs - you got more broads? Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsOrson Welles, who said to Anita Bryant, Stop picketing me. What I said was I was a thespian. Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsSonny Von Bulow, who said to her husband Claus on their honeymoon, Stop needling me. Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsDean Martin's pancreas, who overheard his liver singing I got a right to sing the blues. Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsAlexander the Great, who said on his wedding night, It's only a nickname. Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsJohn Travolta, who said, My Saturday night fever was nothing compared to my Sunday morning rash. Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsBilly Carter, who asked his brother Jimmy, Do you think you could get me on the Gong Show? Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsRip Van Winkle, who said, Don't make the bed; I'm just going to the bathroom. Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsAlexander Graham Bell's wife, who said to Alex on their wedding night, Your three minutes are up. Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsJulius Caesar's wife, who said to Julius, We are not naming our son Sid! Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsThe Hunchback of Notre-Dame, who said to his tailor Irving, Forget the slacks - please work on the blazer! Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsDracula, who said while they drove a wooden stake into his heart, Boy, I sure hope this is heartburn. Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsBurt Reynolds, great sex symbol of the movies, who said, I owe it all to one great part. Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsJoseph Cotten, who said, You know how I got my name? Sammy Davis picked it for me. Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsThe Puerto Rican doctor, who wrote all his prescriptions with spray paint. Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsJoe Torre, who switched to first base because he didn't want to go through life as Chicken Catcher Torre. Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsSimon Peter, who embarrassed the other disciples at the Last Supper by asking for seconds. Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsBen Hur, who said to his sister Ben Him, We'd better swap names before they start calling me Ben Gay! Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsChristopher Columbus, who said to Queen Isabella, No, you got it wrong! The world is round. You're flat! Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsPeter Minuet, who said to the Indians in modern-day Manhattan, Will you accept a check from a Puerto Rican bank? Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsPliny the Elder, who when Rome was burning requested Nero to play You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Lucille. Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsBluebeard, who said to Scottland Yard, How do I know how many wives I've killed? I'm not an accountant! Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsElizabeth Taylor has a big heart. She recently built a halfway house for girls who don't want to go all the way.
Red ButtonsMoshe Dayan, who said to Sammy Davis, Jr., That's funny, to me you only look half Jewish. Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsDr. Spock, who said, Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsDolly Parton, who said to her doctor, Are you sure it's a chest cold? Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsWilliam Tell's son, Telly, who said as his father was pointing the bow and arrow at the apple on his head, There's gotta be an easier way to kill worms. Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsMichelangelo's girlfriend, who said to Angelo, Forget the paint - let's put a mirror on the ceiling. Never got a dinner!
Red ButtonsMaid Marion, who said to Robin Hood, I will not live in a house with a Little John. Never got a dinner!
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