Vincent Van Gogh, who said to the hat salesman, I like it, but it keeps sliding over my ear. Never got a dinner!

Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner!

William Tell's son, Telly, who said as his father was pointing the bow and arrow at the apple on his head, There's gotta be an easier way to kill worms. Never got a dinner!

Ponce de Leon, who said when he discovered the Fountain of Youth, Where the hell are the paper cups? Never got a dinner!

Abraham Lincoln, who said, A house divided... is a condominium. Never got a dinner!

Moses, who said when the Red Sea parted, What the hell was that? I was just going in for a dip! Never got a dinner!

Helen of Troy, a hooker from Upstate New York. Never got a dinner!