Hey! Leave the door open will ya? The flies haven't been out all day.

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.

I carry a knife now because I read in a white magazine that all black people carry knives. So I rushed out and bought me one.

I've been trying to get into the Royal Box in New York for years. They say I'm too dirty, my material is too blue. But I think Redd, the whites and blue can be a nice combination.

I'm convinced that Sanford and Son shows middle-class America a lot of what they need to know.

You make me wish that birth control was retroactive.

Do you realize that if the pilgrims have been chasing bobcats instead of turkeys.. we'd all be eating pussy on Thanksgiving?!