Do you realize that if the pilgrims have been chasing bobcats instead of turkeys.. we'd all be eating pussy on Thanksgiving?!

A girl's legs are her best friends...but even the best of friends must part.

I'm a Sagittarian, see, I can't be fenced in. I been living in Las Vegas, greatest city in the world. I look out my window for 100 miles. In Vegas, there's nothing to do but gamble, drink or have sex. I have two of 'em.

Sanford and Son is more than just a name. It's a condition, a dynasty, an empire. This here is the finest pile of junk of the world.

I'm convinced that Sanford and Son shows middle-class America a lot of what they need to know.

I feel sorry for people who don't drink or do drugs. Because someday they're going to be in a hospital bed, dying, and they won't know why.

What's an archive, son? Is that anything like a closet?