There are very few humorists who have written first-rate humor after they've become elderly.

A rumor is one thing that gets thicker instead of thinner as it is spread.

"Do you want my honest opinion?" People ask. I say, "Yes," for I'm curious. So they give me their honest opinion, And I - well, I'm always furious.

Children are supposed to help hold a marriage together. They do this in a number of ways. For instance, they demand so much attention that a husband and wife, concentrating on their children, fail to notice each other's faults.

G is for Green, that's constructed to roll in every direction away from the hole.

Good sportsmanship we hail, we sing, It's always pleasant when you spot it. There's only one unhappy thing: You have to lose to prove that you've got it.

That money talks, I'll not deny, I heard it once: It said, 'Goodbye'.