There are very few humorists who have written first-rate humor after they've become elderly.

There is some consolation in the fact that, even though your dreams don't come true, neither do your nightmares.

Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin skinned people.

A rumor is one thing that gets thicker instead of thinner as it is spread.

Shakespeare, who never could think up a plot by himself, found this one [Macbeth] in Holinshed's Chronicles, changing it just enough so that no one would recognize the source. He didn't count on the resourcefulness of modern scholars, who have to discover things like this to become associate professors.

"Do you want my honest opinion?" People ask. I say, "Yes," for I'm curious. So they give me their honest opinion, And I - well, I'm always furious.

G is for Green, that's constructed to roll in every direction away from the hole.