There are very few humorists who have written first-rate humor after they've become elderly.

"Do you want my honest opinion?" People ask. I say, "Yes," for I'm curious. So they give me their honest opinion, And I - well, I'm always furious.

There is some consolation in the fact that, even though your dreams don't come true, neither do your nightmares.

Children are supposed to help hold a marriage together. They do this in a number of ways. For instance, they demand so much attention that a husband and wife, concentrating on their children, fail to notice each other's faults.

[John Foster Dulles] invented Brinkmanship, the most popular game since Monopoly.

Until Eve arrived, this was a man's world.

Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong.