I like playing Vernon Dursley in 'Harry Potter,' because that gives me a license to be horrible to kids. I hate the odious business of sucking up to the public.

Everyone over 50 should be issued every week with a wet fish in a plastic bag by the Post Office so that, whenever you see someone young and happy, you can hit them as hard as you can across the face.

I don't think I'd live in London unless you paid me. Nine figures would be nice.

I wouldn't inflict my naked body on any paying audience.

I hate being the subject of photographs.

Winning is something you've dreamed about and hoped for, so that when you get there it's no big deal. But if you lose you're gutted, and the gutted sense just goes on, and I know what that's like, because I've been having that gutted feeling since 1979.

Happy birthday! Hope your 50s will be as awesome as your 40s.