Don't talk. Kill it." That might be the sweetest thing a woman's ever said to me on a first date.

When you're born in a burning house, you think the whole world is on fire. But it's not.

God is the great janitor of the universe. Why things don't work is that we have a janitor in charge, and we keep looking for the landlord.

I guarantee you I'm not going to forget your voice. We're going to run into each other down the road sometime, and when we do I'm going to pop you apart one rivet at a time." "There's the monster. Hello, monster.

That's what Glocks are. High-precision killing machines that scream "Daddy Issues.

We must always look after our friends, even when they are foolish. Especially when they are foolish.

Don't drink too much." "When I can spell out your name in shot glasses, I'll stop." "I'll have to get a shorter name." "I'll have to forget how to spell it.