You now have the least amount of time you've ever had, to do everything you've ever wanted to do. Enjoy your life. You only get one

That's what life is, it's the small struggles. You walk down the street for half an hour, you see half an hour of drama. You don't need convoluted plot lines. You don't need long-lost brothers. You don't need it's set on the future; it's set on the moon.

No one wants to see cool people doing brilliantly. I want to see the struggle. That's the fun bit.

Celebrities, make it harder for hackers to get nude pics of you from your computer by not putting nude pics of yourself on the computer.

The best way to avoid criticism is never do anything ever. Or, do what you love, have a great life & let others spend their time criticising.

I think, as a comedian, the funniest you can be is with people you know, and [whom] you've known for years, in a pub. That's as funny as you get, and so the aim [while stand-up] is to get that funny on stage with 5,000 strangers, to get that funny in a room where people shouldn't be listening but they are.

Growing up, the two things that made my blood boil were religious intolerance and animal cruelty. I’ve never understood it. I can’t stand to have an animal in pain.