I think, as a comedian, the funniest you can be is with people you know, and [whom] you've known for years, in a pub. That's as funny as you get, and so the aim [while stand-up] is to get that funny on stage with 5,000 strangers, to get that funny in a room where people shouldn't be listening but they are.

To complain about critics in a business is like a sailor complaining about the waves. Go back to the beach if you don't like it.

I'm a failed pop star. I always sneak a song into everything I do.

There's no difference between fame and infamy now. There's a new school of professional famous people that don't do anything. They don't create anything.

Just looking at all the faces here reminds me of some of the great work that was done this year . . . by cosmetic surgeons.

There's a difference between a job and a career - if you're the boss you don't stop at six o'clock, you have to worry about everything all the time.

I like big escapist films. It's odd because the type of comedian I am and the things I do when I'm writing and directing myself usually deal with the darker side of the human psyche and excruciating social faux pas. I often deal in taboos and the subjects I do as a stand-up are quite challenging. But my film roles have been much more fun and escapist.