I think, as a comedian, the funniest you can be is with people you know, and [whom] you've known for years, in a pub. That's as funny as you get, and so the aim [while stand-up] is to get that funny on stage with 5,000 strangers, to get that funny in a room where people shouldn't be listening but they are.

Same-sex marriage is not a gay privilege, it's equal rights.

You now have the least amount of time you've ever had, to do everything you've ever wanted to do. Enjoy your life. You only get one

Just looking at all the faces here reminds me of some of the great work that was done this year . . . by cosmetic surgeons.

Suggesting I hate people with religion because I hate religion is like suggesting I hate people with cancer because I hate cancer.

Same sex marriage isn't gay privilege, it's equal rights. Privilege would be something like gay people not paying taxes. Like churches don't.

I've got three friends that you'd call famous, but I'm sure after 20 years, most of my friends will be famous or work in television, because that's the nature of what your work is. When I was working in an office, most of my friends worked in offices.