Ricky Gervais Quotes

Your God is the best God. In fact, he's the only God. All other Gods are ridiculous, made up rubbish. Not yours though. Yours is real.

People see me, and they see the suit, and they go: "you're not fooling anyone", they know I'm rock and roll through and through. But you know that old thing, live fast, die young? Not my way. Live fast, sure, live too bloody fast sometimes, but die young? Die old. That's the way- not orthodox, I don't live by "the rules" you know.

My philosophy? Have a laugh for as long as you can and don't get run over. Or stabbed.

The truth doesn't hurt. Whatever it is, it doesn't hurt. It's better to know the truth.

When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It's only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.

I love how people walk around with crucifixes, skullcaps, pointy hats, funny beards and then say 'you should keep your atheism to yourself.'

It's a privilege to be in such a great category of people and... I don't believe in God, so I'd like to thank dogs. Dogs have given me everything.

Funny bones, to me, are more important than funny lines. If a comedian is just not likable and doing the lines, you could read them yourself. Whereas if someone [you like] shambles out, and they tell you what a bad day they've had, they don't have to say anything. I love them. I want to hug them because they've been through something. And it comes back to empathy, always empathy.

Someone trying to be funny probably isn't as funny as someone who doesn't want to be funny but is and can't help it. Someone being serious or angry might be funny. If you get angry, the first thing I want to do is laugh because I don't know why you're getting that angry. Pathos makes me laugh, funerals make me laugh.

A world without any lies at all is not a good world, because it's artless and because there are no white lies, no flattery.

Of all the disciplines involved in making anything - TV, film or anything I do - the writing is the most valuable commodity.

Unlike religious people, I look at all religions equally.

Enjoy life. Have fun. Be kind. Have worth. Have friends. Be honest. Laugh. Die with dignity. Make the most of it. It's all we've got.

There's a difference between a job and a career - if you're the boss you don't stop at six o'clock, you have to worry about everything all the time.

Animals are not here for us to do as we please with. We are not their superiors, we are their equals. We are their family. Be kind to them.

Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.

I think what makes us human is those choices - whether to tell the truth or not.

Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right. Some people are offended by mixed marriage, gay people, atheism. So what? F*** 'em.

People think "The Office" was improvised, but it's all on the page. We do that because what we found is that in the early days of "The Office," we went in with it sort of 80 percent scripted and we did some things and then we improv'd and we did - you know, and it gets a laugh on the floor because it's the first time they've heard it.

Opinions don't affect facts. But facts should affect opinions, and do, if you're rational

I never had a plan. I just sort of ambled along, doing exactly what I wanted every day of my life.

The simple fact is, offense is taken, not given.

The best advice I've ever received is, 'No one else knows what they're doing either.

You try to make characters you care about, and I think realism helps. Even though this is a high concept, the characters have got to be real.

I am not a wolf in sheep's clothing, I'm a wolf in wolf's clothing.

Someone asked me what three things I would save if my house was on fire. I said my cat, my salamander and one of the twins.

Being honest is what counts. To make the ordinary extraordinary is so much better than starting with the extraordinary.

Thank you God for making me an atheist.

It's going to be a night of partying and heavy drinking. Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: Breakfast.

I remember the first check I got for 'The Office,' and it made me feel sad. It ruined it. ... Because there was sort of a nobility in poverty.

Hotel bars are pretty good. No one bothers me there. Restaurants are safe. People are quite respectful when you're eating. But what I never do now is go to a busy bar on the weekend, or after 8 o'clock at night. That's the danger zone. Also being trapped. Never go on the Metro, or a bus.

A joke isn't yours. It's used and you don't know where it's been.

I'd like to thank God for making me an atheist.

When you get back into the editing suite in the cold light of day, the written stuff is better.

Being on the edge isn't as safe, but the view is better

I know how much embarrassment hurts, and I love it as a theme because you can keep digging a hole. It's just an endless well, embarrassment.

The best way to avoid criticism is never do anything ever. Or, do what you love, have a great life & let others spend their time criticising.

I can't find someone funny whom I don't like. Hitler told great jokes. I didn't find it funny at all.

Celebrities, make it harder for hackers to get nude pics of you from your computer by not putting nude pics of yourself on the computer.

I don't think it matters if there is a god or not. I've met people who believe in God that are good and that are bad. And I've met people who don't believe in God that are good and that are bad. So, just be good. I'm good. Not cos I think I'll go to heaven but because when I do something bad, I feel bad. And when I do something good, I feel good.

I like my baths really deep and hot. But washing everything only takes a few minutes. So I thought it would be a waste to just flush all that water away. So there was nothing else to do but take pictures of myself trying to look as horrendous as possible. Oh my, what have I started?

I'm a failed pop star. I always sneak a song into everything I do.

It will be great to play a short, fat sweaty loser for a change.

The world is bigger than all the parts. That's the important thing, and one thing can throw everything off kilter. And you must never let yourself off. You'll let yourself off by mistake. So you shouldn't do it consciously. You have to be above it all and just be very disciplined with it. Just be very disciplined with it.

Why buy a book when you can join a library?

I've been nominated four times, never won. And the whole world is going, `Why hasn't Winslet won one?' That's why I'm doing it. "Schindler's Bloody List," "The Pianist," Oscars coming out of their ass.

[As a kid] I did enjoy making people laugh but I was also attracted to funny people. I'm [still] quite happy to not be the one trying to make other people laugh. I'm happy laughing at someone else. I enjoy laughing and I'll happily be the one just laughing all night if you can make me laugh.

I like big escapist films. It's odd because the type of comedian I am and the things I do when I'm writing and directing myself usually deal with the darker side of the human psyche and excruciating social faux pas. I often deal in taboos and the subjects I do as a stand-up are quite challenging. But my film roles have been much more fun and escapist.