I never think of myself as a celebrity - or even an actor, actually. I think of myself as a writer-director.

I've never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don't sit on a wall, if you're an egg.

I can't find someone funny whom I don't like. Hitler told great jokes. I didn't find it funny at all.

There's no difference between fame and infamy now. There's a new school of professional famous people that don't do anything. They don't create anything.

Remember, no one can hurt your feelings without your permission

The only reason I work out is so I can eat more cheese.

I no longer needed a reason for my existence, just a reason to live. And imagination, free will, love, humor, fun, music, sports, beer, and pizza are all good enough reasons for living. But living an honest life - for that you need the truth.