I no longer idolize reason. I have come to accept that ninety percent of what we do is irrational and that we spend what little rational thought we have in justifying our irrationality.

Book tours are like boot camp but with little sleep and less food.

Cats and dogs believe politicians are like cemetery caregivers; they are on top of everyone, but nobody listens.

I think the reason I choose the comic approach so often is because it's harder, therefore affording me the opportunity to show off.

Dad could charm a dog off a meat wagon.

Why marry a woman if you're going to betray her, and if you're going to betray her, why beat her? The fault is not hers ... I sometimes think the worst we do, we do behind closed doors.

I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.