I want to manufacture a feud.

I always fancied myself more of an actor than a comedian before I realized that only assholes make that kind of distinction.

Anything that you can do a tiny bit of research about, I'll turn it into an obsession.

I touched an Oscar once. Friend of mine has one, for writing. As soon as I touched it, he said, Now you'll never win one.

I just want to do cool stuff.

I'd played a lot of best friends, and/or bad guys, which seems to be my lot in life. In romantic comedies there's always a best friend and the woman has a best friend and they always antagonise each other and then they end up together at the end of the movie.

I remember saying in college that I would never do commercials.