I remember saying in college that I would never do commercials.

I remember interviewing someone I actually felt bad for, and therefore didn't want to take an ironic stance against him. It actually turned out to be a really funny piece.

I have to stay true to myself.

I learned more about elections on election night 2000 than I ever did during my 16 years of schooling.

I always fancied myself more of an actor than a comedian before I realized that only assholes make that kind of distinction.

I peed in my wife's boot once. On honeymoon, in Madrid, we were drinking absinthe and somehow made it back to our hotel. I don't remember a second of this, but my wife woke up to this noise. Two of her boots were in the corner, one had fallen down and the other was standing up and I was peeing into it! It was a hole, and it looked like a toilet. She said: "Rob, wake up, you're peeing into my shoe!"

It looks like garbage, my ass. But trust me, you're lucky it's not full-frontal.