I always fancied myself more of an actor than a comedian before I realized that only assholes make that kind of distinction.

If people see me in some sort of niche, then that's fine. As long as it's not "The Naked Guy." I don't care.

I want to manufacture a feud.

Apparently it's cool to watch The Daily Show.

I've been an Apple guy since the mid 80's and that's when I was like, "Boy, you guys really got me here. I know exactly what you're doing, right down to your price points."

I've got like a week and a half left, all bets are off.

I have a wife and two daughters; people who depend on me. Everything is more important than it was when I was 20. But now I'm like, "Eh, I made it this far."