The universe never did make sense; I suspect it was built on government contract.

Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

Was there ever a time when the majority was right?

You don’t pay back, you pay forward.

I don't trust a man who talks about ethics when he is picking my pocket. But if he is acting in his own self-interest and says so, I have usually been able to work out some way to do business with him.

No storyteller has been able to dream up anything as fantastically unlikely as what really does happen in this mad Universe.

Everybody lies about sex.